Number 62 – Like the Yorkshire Slim Shady, Looks who back…
Bigmouth Strikes Again – The Smiths – Chosen by Badger – Taken from ‘The Queen Is Dead’ LP (1982)
“Can I photograph your swelling for the blog page?”
This is SWC asking me this question the day after I get out of hospital. I am in near agony, I can barely move my left leg, and it took all my energy, strength and self belief to even get myself home. If I laugh it hurts, if I cough it hurts, if I breath the wrong fucking way it hurts, I struggle to eat anything because I have to sit up to do so and I don’t even want to think about the pain of going to the toilet. I might have to ask Mrs Badger to help me there and that will just mean years of washing up punishments (“Its your turn to wash up the roasting tray darling, I did hold your winkie for you when you went to the toilet that time (repeat to fade for ever…)”).
I decline, this ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity although he does have a very good point that this would be some very solid proof that men everywhere should be checking themselves on a regular basis. Seriously I don’t want to get all morbid on your asses (or bollocks for that matter) but lads just do it, and if there is anything down there that you don’t think should be there, just go to the doctors, and get it checked. Don’t be embarrassed, seriously your doctor will have seen much worse. Then again, my doctor was on holiday when I went and his replacement was a twenty seven year female locum with very cold hands. It must have been like cupping her dads bits and pieces, if on the off chance you are reading young lady, I am sorry for putting you through that.
So, you guys, I can’t thank you all enough, some of the comments and emails that we’ve had have been lovely, its means an awful lot, and I know that Mrs Badger has kind of already said all this, but I wanted to do it personally, if I had the time I’d visited each and every one of you and get you all roundly pissed or something. It meant more than most of you will ever know.
It’s a good ten days since SWC asked me that question and in that time Mrs Badger appears to have overtaken me in the ‘Best Writer in Badger Towers’ – I mean that was never really in doubt, she used to write speeches for politicians, before she gave it all up to dedicate herself to cycling and she once even made John Prescott sound like a serious politician with important things to say. She is way more talented than I can ever dream of being. Although I do make a better carrot cake than her. Again, I need to offer some thanks to her, I am still being a nuisance to her and just for the record, she falls off a bike and fractures a hip and breaks her pelvis and is up and walking on crutches in like six days or something. Me I have minor surgery to a very small part of my anatomy and I’m wailing like a baby for two weeks. Thank you Mrs Badger.
So I should write about The Smiths, I suppose, The Smiths are a band who SWC didn’t want included in this list, because “they are in every bloody list ever, even ones about Kitchen Appliances”. However, he relented because once, a long time ago, before he was married, I should state, he tried (and failed) to cop off with a girl called Naomi at a Levellers concert by pretending to be a Smiths fan. He admitted that to me and that’s why he had to let the Smiths in. I secretly think that this is the reason he doesn’t like the Smiths very much. He’ll say it’s because they are ‘over rated’.
I actually wanted ‘There is a Light That Never Goes Out’ as my first song at my wedding because at the time it seemed like the sort of romantic thing to do. In the end we changed my mind and it wasn’t (that comes later on in the list folks, because in a strange twist of fate, the same song was also SWC’s first song at his wedding – don’t worry its not number one, we’re not writing a fucking rom com here) but it was like the third or fourth record that I ever danced to as a married man. Yet I’ve omitted that because well that Smiths song actually is in ‘every bloody list ever, even ones about kitchen appliances’, and besides, this list is about favourite or most memorable songs, not best.
And so for me my most favourite Smiths track is ‘Bigmouth Strikes Again’ and you’d have to be one cruel bastard to disagree with a stricken, sore bollocked old man right now.
I’ve also got a soft spot for
Frankly, Mr Shankly because there are not enough songs that feature the word ’flatulent’
And just because it seems rude to not post it
Bigmouth Strikes Again – Placebo – which I think we’ve posted before
and just because its got the same name
Big Mouth Strikes Again – Chumbawamba
Aaah its good to be back.